OP/ED: Ninja knickers to the rescue
By Christine Esovoloff
I was cruising around Pinterest one day and found a quote that struck something deep inside me. It read, “I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.” (I know, deep, right?)
Anyway,I gasped in excitement and thought, “Oh my gawsh, that’s totally me!” and quickly ‘pinned’ it before moving on to other sparkly things … but something pulled me back.
What the heck is with that anyway?!
It’s not so much an ‘outfit’ for me, I am not nearly organized enough to have outfits, but I do have a drawer full of undies that I only wear on special occasions. They are my ‘look good, feel good’ knickers. The items that make me feel like a million bucks when I put them on. For some reason I have never been able to bring myself to wear them on an ordinary day … it just didn’t feel right putting on something lacey, silky, or sexy underneath my pajama pants that have little boy boogers smeared on them, ya know?
What if they get … I don’t know, wrecked?
They’re much safer in my drawer and only being worn twice a year, while my ratty old Walmart specials get all the action. Now, in my rational mind, I know this is silly and doesn’t make any sense, I mean come on, Christine, get over it. If they make you feel good, wear ’em!
But in my irrational mind, I just could’t bring myself to ‘waste’ my precious little diddys on an regular day … until recently, when circumstances forced me to realize the true power a pair of great panties holds. Undies have the power to make or break your day. I mean, come on girls, you’ve got to admit, it’s hard to have a good day when you’re wearing something down under that bunches, rides, chafes, or worst case scenario – doesn’t breathe! And a good pair of panties, ones that are comfy, sexy, sassy, cute, or you-name-it, can take a girl’s day from ‘Ho-Hum’ to ‘Ooooooh YUM’ in a matter of seconds. I have learned that skivvies can be woman’s secret weapon, wearing something dazzling under your clothing can make you feel more empowered, feminine, and confident … even if you’re wearing nothing but rags over top. And, dammit, I have learned that everyday should be a great underwear day.
This realization hit me one morning when I was running a little behind schedule. You know, one of those days where have you slept in, you’re grumpy, you’re about 45 minutes behind, and the kids are fighting.
Oh, you have those days, too? I’m not the only one? Phew!
Anyway, I was running around my house frantically trying to find something to wear. Well, it was laundry day in the Esovoloff household so, of course, everything was dirty. That’s right, every pair of ratty Walmart unmentionables was dirty. Now here’s the worst part … I was actually a few days behind on laundry day (don’t judge me), so even my ‘laundry underwear’ was dirty. You know, the pair of disgusting granny panties that you only keep for desperate times.
Well, now I was really stuck. I am not the kind of girl who can go commando, my lady bits can’t handle that, they need to be lovingly encased in cotton before they can go out into the world. So in my desperation, I grabbed a pair of skivvies out of the special drawer. That’s right, the lacey, sexy, nothing under $30, special drawer. You can imagine my horror, but like I said, I was in distress, so I threw them on underneath my ripped up yoga pants and stained t-shirt, and went about my day.
Well, as soon as they were up over my cheeks, my day started to shift. At first, I went about my business (still frantically rushing), dropped the kid off at school, and went grocery shopping … and, that’s when I noticed the extra little spring in my step. It was like I had a sassy little secret that no one else knew about.
“Hey guess what world, I may look frumpy on the outside, but underneath these stained clothes and messy hair is pure sex appeal!”
I was like a stealthy underwear ninja, slinking up and down the aisles of the store amongst the unsuspecting people, grabbing my groceries with such flair that it was shameful! I held my head up higher. I felt freakin’ fantastic. And it just continued from there. Even cleaning the house felt sexier, like I was some sort of naughty maid … except way less glamorous, and my fridge was really dirty and scumy which took away from the positive experience.
My husband noticed the change right away too, “Honey, I’m home!”
“Oh, hi dear, how was your day?” I purred confidently.
“Uhh, good, you feeling okay, what’s wrong with your eye?” he said.
(sigh) “Nothing, jerk, I was winking at you!”
“Huh? OHHH!”
(Okay, so he didn’t notice the way I had hoped but he knew was something was different … and whatever, I’ve never been able to wink, okay?!)
The point is, I felt fantastic, and it really got me questioning my aversion to wearing nice clothes on ‘insignificant’ days. What makes a day significant anyways?! Don’t women deserve to feel nice ALL of the time?! I mean, I should be able to feel like a goddess whether I am wearing a little black dress or booger-smeared pajama pants. And if wearing sexy underwear makes me feel like a goddess, then dammit, I’m going to wear them. So, gone are the days of ratty panties or things that might have belonged to my grandmother … from now on, it’s only sexy knickers for me! (Except on laundry days.) So if you see me out and about with a little extra spring in my step and a weird eye twitch, (don’t worry, I’m probably winking at you), you’ll know that I’m wearing my fancy undies.
Shhh, It’ll be our little secret.
