ELECTRIC GRAPEVINE: Social spackle
By Nik Green
spack·le [spak-uhl] Sh (initial capital letter) Trademark . a brand of quick-drying, plasterlike material used to fill holes, small cracks and other minor surface defects
Some of the digital tools available today seem to help us overlook dire problems in order to expedite trivial tasks. The series of Windows Cloud commercials are prime time offenders.
The ad with the exasperated mother desperately trying to air brush her dysfunctional family into the model brood is rather funny, but actually quite concerning. The bit shows the woman effortlessly replacing her inept family members one by one inside a photo manipulation program.
At no point does this Jan Brady clone think that perhaps her spineless husband should stop little Mikey from jamming a G.I. Joe in his brother’s ass. Or perhaps prevent pigtailed Sally from setting her self on fire for the camera in hopes of making America’s Funniest Home Videos.
You don’t need the Cloud woman, you need plentyoffish.com and Ritalin, lots of it. Forget efficient computing. You need to do something before Sally’s cutting a sex tape and Mikey ends up in prison and doesn’t mind!
How far does one take this liberal application of social spackle? Can I swap out family members for Katy Perry in my home photos? Heck, crop the background out and slide in France. I’d much rather my friends think I’m living a teenage dream at the Eiffel Tower than what I actually do with my spare time, which is write rant-fuelled columns.
I think all of this speaks to the lengths we go to, to maintain a healthy social networking image. Some of us do anyhow. Personally, I use my virtual persona to push boundaries and buttons while gauging people’s responses to more risqué words, images and thoughts. It’s very liberating to test this tongue-in-cheek approach without the aid of one seeing me literally put tongue in cheek/.
Awhile back, I tested this inadvertently, by making a pseudo over protective comment on a photo. Every one of my friends got my humour. That is why they are friends. Some secondary onlookers, however, did not.
The result was a day long feud with a faux feminist that has to be seen to be believed. Within a couple of hours, one girl had successfully spoken to herself on the thread about all manner of life’s little problems. After slagging her ex-boyfriend by name, raging against men in general, and deciding she knew my “type” despite the fact I’ve never met her, she finally went back to watching Girl, Interrupted in a dark basement and left everyone alone.
According to this gal, all of the drama could have been avoided had I used the appropriate emoticon to denote humour. The fact that I made the comment on a photo that was taken well before I even knew the people in it, was lost on her. It goes to show how fast someone will get the wrong idea and run with it when online. I ended the 35 comment long diatribe with a friend request. She denied it and obviously still doesn’t get my humour. I, however, found the request hysterically funny.
What remains though isn’t funny. It’s someone who feels protected by the internet and will pipe up to no end when given the chance to rail on about issues despite being massively misinformed. These people can be really dangerous.
Would I do the same you ask? Well, if you’ve met me you will know that the same porous filter I apply here is pretty much evident in my daily life. It may not always be to my benefit, but it sure makes my friends list very cut and dry.
I want to see fluctuation in my friends tally, not a steady increase. If it simply increases, I’m just adding fodder at this point. By this age I like to know which friends and acquaintances I’m moving forward with in life without “spackling” in the cracks and crevices that make up my demeanour. I think I’ve created a fairly good litmus test.
Frankly, I’m stunned and impressed that no one has replied to one of these columns in such a way. I would fully understand that if you weren’t one of my two regular readers, you could misinterpret my attempts at humour and have a go at me. But as it seems you all get it, and that’s excellent because if you don’t I’ll have to apply the cloud to my readers list and substitute in some that do. I’ll make you Lauren Conrad, you there, you will be Zooey Deschanel…
