The Movemberists - local feud for funds heats up
By Tyler Austin Bradley
There is a movement afoot, a less than secretive fraternal order of men donating the combined powers of their upper lips to a cause. Self-sacrificing, self-effacing, they are putting their best faces forward and adorning the fleshy canvas below their septum with a mo’, a moustache, for one month. Solidarity in the furry face of adversity, these men sport ribbon-thin whiskerings and chop-heavy handlebars with one goal in mind; stamp out prostate cancer.
From the Mo’vember site:
“Movember challenges men to change their appearance and the face of men’s health by growing a moustache. The rules are simple, start Movember 1st clean-shaven and then grow a moustache for the entire month. The moustache becomes the ribbon for men’s health, the means by which awareness and funds are raised for prostate cancer. Much like the commitment to run or walk for charity, the men of Movember commit to growing a moustache for 30 days.”
Almost three weeks into Mo’vember, local participants and international brethren alike are clutching at straw-like trimmings, waxing and waning the twizzled ends of their stylized offerings in anticipation of the big pay-off. Mo’vember has spread its hairy wings over Australia, the USA and much of the civilized world, too, and donations from supporters continue to pour in like so much well-intentioned soup and beverages staining the lower skirt of our moustachioed bros’ fur-curtains.
More from the official Canadian Mo’vember site:
“The idea for Movember was sparked in 2003 over a few beers in Melbourne, Australia. The plan was simple – to bring the moustache back as a bit of a joke and do something for men’s health. No money was raised in 2003, but the guys behind the Mo realized the potential a moustache had in generating conversations about men’s health. Inspired by the women around them and all they had done for breast cancer, the Mo Bros set themselves on a course to create a global men’s health movement.
In 2004 the campaign evolved and focused on raising awareness and funds for the number one cancer affecting men – prostate cancer. 432 Mo Bros joined the movement that year, raising $55,000 for the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia – representing the single largest donation they had ever received.
The Movember moustache has continued to grow year after year, expanding to Canada, the US, UK, New Zealand, Ireland, Spain, South Africa, the Netherlands and Finland.
In 2009, global participation of Mo Bros and Mo Sistas climbed to 255,755, with over one million donors raising $47 Million for Movember’s global beneficiary partners. We are proud to announce that last year’s Canadian campaign was the second largest in the world behind Australia, with 35,156 Mo Bros and Mo Sistas coming together to raise $7.8 million for Prostate Cancer Canada.”
Sadly, here in Rossland, the charitable arm of the Mo’vember movement has been sullied somewhat as the egalitarian model professed and advanced by Mo’vember organizers has seen a rift develop. Long simmering hostilities between local celebrity bike mechanic and ski tech Rory Belter and Rossland Telegraph correspondent Tyler Austin Bradley have boiled over. Like a scene from Westside Story, the resulting melee and blood feud has seen many friendships falter and fail amidst the look-alikes’ blood feud.
States Belter, “I lived here first, and then Tyler moved to town with his similar steez and ectomorphic body type. (Tyler) is essentially my evil twin, and much of his activities around town have me regularly apologizing for atrocities I’ve had nothing to do with.”
Bradley responds, stating “If Rory fed his dog, she wouldn’t always conveniently confuse me for him. Sure I pack Milkbones around, but Belter’s a bad pet owner.”
As one would expect with a professional wrestling match or mixed martial arts bout, words escalate into insults, insults into action.
Bradley stoops to new lows, observing that “If Mo’vember was about growing hair on your palms, Rory Belter would win, hands down. But it’s about moustaches, man. Plain and simple.”
Belter takes the high road, responding that “Four years in and (Tyler) is still trying to make a name for himself. It’s sad, really. No one reads his stories or comic, so he just makes stuff up.”
Bradley retorts, parrying with “I’m going to crush Rory’s pathetic excuse for a moustache, and if his face happens to be attached, so be it.”
With 12 days remaining in Mo’vember, time alone will tell which of the pair will emerge victorious… will it be the Mo’vember Revolution, or will Mo’vember spawn a monster that can not be contained or razed by clippers, scissors or razor?
Donations to the Rossland Mo’vember team (but more importantly, Tyler Austin Bradley’s campaign to destroy Rory) can be made HERE
More information can be gleaned at HERE
