OP/ED: Defending gay marriage and potato salad diversity
By Kyra Hoggan
I have to admit, as the hot, humid summer days stretch out before us, I can’t seem to get myself worked into a lather over anything much more controversial than whether or not to put hard-boiled eggs in the potato salad for camping (I asked my Facebook friends and, 51 comments later, the consensus seems to be that I need to include the eggs).
Like this whole Chick-fil-A furor in the U.S. When I read about billionaire Dan Cathy’s comments regarding gay marriage, my first thought was, Why is anyone getting in a flap over someone who came up with such a moronic name for his company? Chick-fil-A is the culinary equivalent of Illiterates-Is-We. Cue banjo riff. Shouldn’t we be tossing this fellow pitying glances and subtly trying to encourage his silence, in a well-meaning effort to help him avoid embarrassing himself?
My second thought was that, ironically, the mention of chicken breasts invariably calls to my mind the Friends episode that dealt with … wait for it … catering a lesbian wedding (I think it was Pheobe who said serving chicken breasts would be ‘too cute’. That was beyond funny).
Of course, it didn’t escape my attention that, as head of a $4-billion empire, Cathy could spend all day on the toilet with the stomach flu and still be more financially successful, on that day, than I’ve been on every day of my life combined – and good on him, for sure. But since when did obscene riches earned in the U.S translate into moral leadership and integrity – in fact, hasn’t the very opposite often proven to be true?
So the dude’s got some golden eggs – I still don’t get why Americans across the country are allowing his comments to ruffle their feathers, especially given how blatantly sophomoric and naïve those comments were.
“I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage,’” he said. “I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we would have the audacity to try to redefine what marriage is all about.”
I can’t help it, my every reaction to those words is sarcastic, because it’s all just so idiotic – Yeah, sure, THAT’S what’s going to invite God’s judgment of the U.S., Cathy, I think.
I mean, that’s just funny, right?
American mayors and governors are really going to let their platforms be dictated by a fellow who is apparently completely ignorant of history, global geopolitics, in-country crime rates including staggering drug and human trafficking markets, or the creation of nuclear warfare? Seriously? I think God may have some other, more compelling stuff for which to judge your nation, Cathy, and if He’s as you describe Him, I’m guessing He won’t wait for an engraved invitation to do so, so you can rest easy on that count.
I especially love how he says, “the audacity to redefine” in reference to the definition from a book that may or may not be the word of God, but was most certainly published by man – while utterly ignoring the fact that God created those very people whom Cathy says are courting God’s judgment.
Why is anyone, anywhere, taking this yahoo seriously?
He’s aligning himself with moral giants like Rush Limbaugh, who has been married four times, was alleged to have ended at least one of those marriages with an affair, and is now accusing Obama of declaring “war on traditional marriage”, while claiming to be afraid that same-sex marriage will somehow diminish the institution of marriage – which is understandable, given how much he obviously respects said institution himself. He certainly avails himself of it often enough.
I get why, in a democracy, these guys are allowed a microphone … I just don’t understand why on earth anyone would give a damn (pun intended) about what they have to say, unless we’re looking for a good belly laugh on a rough day.
Their only value on the public stage is a comedic one – the moral Gestapo version of Wile E. Coyote, if you will, and if we allow them to do anything other than haplessly amuse us, then I guess that makes us those foolhardy fellows at Acme, who keep sending him dynamite and rocket launchers, then wondering why stuff keeps blowing up.
So, no, I’m not going to get all riled up over what the Poultry Baron tells me is right and wrong – in fact, I think I’ll try out two potato salad recipes, one with eggs and one without, and see which one gets eaten faster, and walk away feeling like I’ve dealt with the important controversies of the day.
And I’ll probably write more columns – but not until or unless a real news story comes along to inspire one.
